Nurses are the heart and soul of healthcare, and they deserve a good laugh every now and then.
Whether you’re a nurse, know a nurse, or just love a good pun, this ultimate guide of nurse puns will brighten your day. From everyday nurse humor to clever wordplay, we’ve got it all covered!
Nursing Humor
- Why did the nurse carry a red pen? In case she needed to draw blood!
- What do you call a nurse with a bad attitude? A “suture” self.
- Nurses don’t get mad, they get IV-en.
- I asked the nurse if I could do my own stitches; she said, “Suture yourself!”
- Why did the nurse break up with the surgeon? He wasn’t her type!
- Nurses can’t handle drama; they prefer the trauma.
- What did the nurse say to the needle? “You’re pointless!”
- Nurses always know how to needle their way into your heart.
- I asked a nurse how she handles stress; she said, “I take it one IV at a time.”
- Why did the nurse go to art school? To learn how to draw blood!
- How do nurses stay calm? They always have patience!
- What’s a nurse’s favorite game? Operation!
- Nurses are good at relationships because they know how to handle “pressure.”
- What did the nurse say to the doctor who was stressed? “Suture self-care!”
- Why did the nurse need a ladder? To check on the high “patients”!
Surgical Puns
- Surgeons have the “cutting” edge in healthcare.
- Why did the surgeon bring a pencil to surgery? In case he needed to draw the line.
- Surgeons never play hide and “seek,” they always go straight for the “scalpel.”
- What did the patient say to the surgeon before the operation? “Don’t go “nicking” my heart!”
- Surgeons don’t gossip; they just “cut to the chase.”
- Why are surgeons so smart? They always “dissect” the problem!
- What’s a surgeon’s favorite sport? Cutting-edge technology!
- The surgeon was feeling “dissected” after a long day.
- Why did the surgeon fail art class? He couldn’t stay inside the lines.
- Surgeons are just regular people who love to “slice” and dice.
- How do surgeons relax? They “cut” back on their hours!
- What did the scalpel say to the wound? “We’re “cutting” it close!”
- Surgeons always have the best “incisions.”
- Why did the surgeon start a band? He wanted to make “incisions” in the music industry.
- What’s a surgeon’s favorite type of music? Anything “incision”-al.
Emergency Room Fun
- ER nurses are always on call for a “code” of conduct.
- What’s an ER nurse’s favorite type of movie? A “code blue” thriller!
- Why did the ER nurse bring a broom? To sweep away the trauma.
- ER nurses don’t just work—they “triage.”
- How do ER nurses handle stress? They “tri” their best!
- What did the ER nurse say to the bleeding patient? “You’re “hemorrhaging” my time!”
- ER nurses are pros at “admitting” their mistakes.
- Why did the ER nurse get a promotion? She “triaged” the competition.
- The ER is like a traffic jam; everyone’s in “critical” condition.
- ER nurses are “vital” to the operation of the hospital.
- What did the ER nurse say to the unconscious patient? “You’re “out cold” but I’ll warm you up!”
- ER nurses don’t have “time-outs,” they have “code blues.”
- Why did the ER nurse become a detective? She was great at solving “critical” cases.
- How do ER nurses stay in shape? They “triage” to keep fit!
- ER nurses are always “checking in” on their patients.
Pediatric Nurse Giggles
- Pediatric nurses always have the “little” things in mind.
- What’s a pediatric nurse’s favorite TV show? “Grey’s Abundance!”
- Pediatric nurses don’t “kid” around with their care.
- Why did the pediatric nurse always carry crayons? For drawing up treatment plans!
- Pediatric nurses are “young at heart.”
- What did the pediatric nurse say to the crying baby? “Don’t “pacifier” up!”
- Pediatric nurses know how to “play” their cards right.
- How do pediatric nurses calm kids? They “diagnose” with a smile!
- Pediatric nurses are pros at “little” patients.
- What’s a pediatric nurse’s favorite snack? Fruit “patients!”
- Why did the pediatric nurse bring a teddy bear? For “comfort care!”
- Pediatric nurses have the best “bedside” stories.
- How do pediatric nurses communicate with kids? In “small doses!”
- What did the nurse say to the toy dinosaur? “You’re “prehistoric” but still cute!”
- Pediatric nurses are always “treating” the kids right.
ICU Jokes
- ICU nurses are always in “intensive” mode.
- Why did the ICU nurse bring sunglasses? To handle the “intensity” of the unit.
- ICU nurses never “leave” their patients, they just “discharge.”
- What’s an ICU nurse’s favorite sport? Staying on “guard”!
- ICU nurses always “watch” over their patients.
- Why did the ICU nurse take a nap? To “monitor” her own health.
- ICU nurses don’t just watch TV, they “monitor” patients.
- How do ICU nurses stay calm? They “pulse” with relaxation.
- ICU nurses have a “critical” eye for detail.
- What did the ICU nurse say to the beeping machine? “Stop “alarming” everyone!”
- ICU nurses always keep their “vitals” in check.
- Why did the ICU nurse get promoted? She was “vital” to the team.
- ICU nurses never get “vented” up.
- How do ICU nurses handle stress? They “pressurize” themselves!
- ICU nurses don’t just “intubate,” they “innovate!”
Cardiology Puns
- Cardiology nurses wear their “heart” on their sleeve.
- What’s a cardiology nurse’s favorite song? “Achy Breaky Heart.”
- Cardiology nurses always “pulse” with life.
- Why did the cardiology nurse break up with the defibrillator? It was too “shocking.”
- Cardiology nurses don’t “skip a beat.”
- How do cardiology nurses relax? With a “heartfelt” movie.
- What did the heart say to the nurse? “Thanks for keeping me in “rhythm.”
- Cardiology nurses are good at “pacifying” patients.
- Why did the cardiology nurse become a DJ? She loves to “mix beats!”
- What’s a cardiology nurse’s favorite dance? The “heartbeat” shuffle.
- Cardiology nurses know how to “manage the pressure.”
- How do cardiology nurses stay fit? They “work out” their “cardio.”
- What did the nurse say to the arrhythmic patient? “Get your “beat” together!”
- Cardiology nurses are “heart-ists.”
- How do cardiology nurses get to work? They “pulse” their way in!
Bonus Nurse Puns
- Nurses are the “heart” of healthcare.
- What do nurses use to surf the web? A “blood vessel.”
- Why did the nurse bring a ladder to the hospital? To reach new “heights” in care.
- Nurses are like rubber bands; they stretch to help others.
- Why was the nurse always calm? She had a “lot of patience.”
- Nurses don’t play hide and seek—they play “syringe and find.”
- Why did the nurse go to school? To get her “BSN” in punology.
- How do nurses communicate? In “doctor”!
- What did the nurse say to the doctor who couldn’t find the vein? “You’re vein!”
- Nurses are always “scrubbing” up on their skills.
- What’s a nurse’s favorite part of math? “Multiplying” the care.
- Why do nurses make great comedians? They always “check for laughs!”
- Nurses and doctors are “well-matched” in the game of health.
- What did the nurse say to the sleepy patient? “Stop “sleep-walking” away!”
- Nurses are the “pillars” of the hospital.
- What’s a nurse’s favorite type of dog? A “bloodhound!”
- Nurses love their jobs, even when it’s “needle”-less.
- Why did the nurse take a tissue to work? For a little “comfort care.”
- What do nurses and chefs have in common? They both know how to “serve”!
- Nurses are great at “bandaging” relationships.
- Why did the nurse wear sunglasses? Her future is too bright.
- Nurses have “anatomy” of humor.
- What did the nurse say to the broken heart? “Let’s get you “patched up.”
- Nurses are always “checking in” for a good laugh.
- How do nurses get their caffeine? With a “shot” of coffee!
- Nurses and patients are always “on the same wavelength.”
- What’s a nurse’s favorite color? “Blu” for scrubs!
- Nurses are the “heartstrings” of the hospital.
- How do nurses handle bad days? They “bandage” the pain.
- Nurses are “scrubbed” in for success.
- What’s a nurse’s favorite snack? “Wound” up apples!
- Why do nurses love math? They’re good at “solving” problems.
- What did the nurse say to the new doctor? “You’ve got “potential!”
- Nurses are “essential” workers.
- Why did the nurse carry a notebook? For “keeping tabs.”
- Nurses have the best “check-up” lines.
- What’s a nurse’s favorite type of weather? “Crisp and clear.”
- Nurses are the best at “diagnosing” laughter.
- How do nurses make decisions? With “careful” consideration.
- Nurses are “prescribed” for good health.
- What’s a nurse’s favorite game? “Operation!”
- Nurses always “draw the line” when it comes to care.
- How do nurses keep their humor in check? They “monitor” their moods.
- Nurses are the “core” of healthcare.
- What did the nurse say to the thermometer? “You’re out of line!”
- Nurses are “injecting” humor every day.
- Why did the nurse get promoted? She was “in good spirits.”
- Nurses always go the “extra mile.”
- How do nurses stay on track? With a “pulse” of positivity.
- Nurses are “blood”-y awesome!