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145 Medical Puns to Tickle Your Funny Bone

If laughter is the best medicine, then medical puns are a great prescription for joy!

This ultimate guide covers a wide range of medical puns that will cure your bad mood and keep you laughing.

From puns about doctors to ones about nurses and illnesses, you’ll find the perfect remedy for a dull day.

Doctor Puns

  1. I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
  2. My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.
  3. I don’t trust doctors. They make everything sound so final.
  4. The doctor said my X-ray was negative, but I’m pretty sure it was just being pessimistic.
  5. I asked my doctor if I could do my own stitches. He said, “Suture self!”
  6. Why did the doctor carry a red pen? In case he needed to draw blood.
  7. My doctor has been practicing medicine for years. He still hasn’t perfected it.
  8. The doctor gave me six months to live. When I couldn’t pay my bill, he gave me another six months.
  9. The doctor said I had Type A blood, but it was a Typo.
  10. I told my doctor I felt like a pair of curtains. He told me to pull myself together.
  11. What do you call a doctor who fixes websites? A URLologist.
  12. The doctor said I had to stop breathing so hard. He diagnosed me with “high exertion.”
  13. I went to the doctor with a sore back. Turns out, I have a slipped pun.
  14. Why did the doctor become a musician? He had a natural rhythm in the operating room.
  15. I asked the doctor for a cure for hiccups. He said, “Hold still, this will be a shocking experience!”
medical puns

Nurse Puns

  1. Why don’t nurses play cards? Because they might lose their patients.
  2. Nurses can’t control their enthusiasm. It’s always in scrubs!
  3. What do you call a helpful nurse? A “Band-Aid” on legs.
  4. Nurses wake up every morning with a positive attitude and a negative COVID test.
  5. What’s a nurse’s favorite type of shoe? Clogs. They’re always rushing!
  6. Nurses are the glue that holds healthcare together, but sometimes they feel a little “stuck.”
  7. The nurse wanted to work in surgery, but couldn’t because it was too “cutting edge.”
  8. Why did the nurse bring a pencil to work? Because she wanted to draw blood.
  9. Nurses have a needle-point precision when it comes to their jokes!
  10. What do nurses say when they’re happy? “IV got the best job in the world!”
  11. Why do nurses love red pens? Because they always need to make quick notes in the red.
  12. Nurses are like cookies; they’re sweet, but they can be tough!
  13. Why are nurses so good at teamwork? They know how to “bandage” relationships.
  14. The nurse said my heart skipped a beat, but I think it’s just because I saw her smile.
  15. Why are nurses great comedians? They can really inject humor into any situation.

Dentist Puns

  1. Why did the dentist go to the bank? To get his “cavity” filled.
  2. The dentist seemed like a great guy, but he just wanted to drill me.
  3. I had a root canal yesterday. It was deep, but I feel like I’m growing as a person.
  4. What did the dentist say to the golfer? “You have a hole in one!”
  5. Why did the king go to the dentist? To get his “crown” checked.
  6. Dentists are great at parties. They really know how to “fill” the room.
  7. What’s a dentist’s favorite animal? A molar bear!
  8. Why do dentists make great detectives? They always get to the “root” of the problem.
  9. I went to the dentist with crooked teeth. He straightened me out.
  10. The dentist’s favorite day of the week? Toothsday!
  11. Why do dentists love good weather? Because they don’t want to get caught in a floss storm.
  12. The dentist told me a joke, but I couldn’t stop “grinding” my teeth!
  13. What did the dentist say to the tooth? “Brace yourself.”
  14. Why are dentists bad at poker? They always “fold” under pressure.
  15. My dentist has a weird sense of humor. He really digs my cavities.
medical puns

Surgical Puns

  1. Why did the surgeon break up with his scalpel? It was too cutting.
  2. Surgeons don’t make small talk. They prefer to cut to the chase.
  3. What did the surgeon say after a successful surgery? “That’s a wrap!”
  4. Why did the surgeon bring a ladder? To reach new heights in surgery.
  5. The surgeon was a stand-up comedian. His jokes were razor-sharp!
  6. What did the surgeon say to the patient before the operation? “Let’s get this cut started!”
  7. Surgeons have a sharp sense of humor—they’re always a cut above the rest.
  8. Why did the surgeon bring a hammer? Because he wanted to nail the surgery.
  9. The surgeon was really good at karaoke. He had a lot of “heart.”
  10. What did the surgeon say to the anxious patient? “Don’t worry, I’ll stitch you up.”
  11. Why don’t surgeons play sports? They hate to cut corners.
  12. The surgeon was a master at needlework. He really knew how to sew!
  13. Why did the surgeon need glasses? He didn’t want to lose sight of the problem.
  14. What did the surgeon say after a bad joke? “Scalpel please, I need to cut it out.”
  15. The surgeon had a great bedside manner, but he still couldn’t sew a buttonhole.

Pharmacy Puns

  1. Why did the pharmacist break up with his calculator? It was no prescription for love.
  2. Pharmacists never get tired. They’re always in the right dose.
  3. Why did the pharmacist join the orchestra? He had great “measure.”
  4. What’s a pharmacist’s favorite type of music? Anything with “rhythm” and “blues.”
  5. Pharmacists love to count. They always go by the numbers!
  6. The pharmacist couldn’t find his glasses. It was a blurry situation.
  7. What’s a pharmacist’s favorite plant? A dose-cactus.
  8. Why do pharmacists love math? Because it’s all about prescription calculations!
  9. Pharmacists make the best bakers. They always measure their ingredients with precision.
  10. What’s a pharmacist’s favorite game? Doseball.
  11. Why don’t pharmacists like jokes? Because they’ve heard them all before—there’s no new prescription for humor.
  12. Pharmacists are great at conversations. They always give you a dose of advice.
  13. Why did the pharmacist bring a stopwatch? He wanted to time the next refill.
  14. What do pharmacists love to snack on? Pill-pockets.
  15. Why do pharmacists make great athletes? They’re always in “medication” mode.
medical puns

Bonus Puns

  1. I tried to take some medicine for my bad mood. But the pill was hard to swallow.
  2. Doctors say I have a photographic memory, but I never developed it.
  3. I can’t believe I got pneumonia, but I guess it’s lung overdue.
  4. Why do surgeons love puzzles? They’re always trying to piece things together.
  5. My doctor told me I had a lot of nerve. I said, “Thanks, I needed that!”
  6. I tried to find a cure for my forgetfulness, but it slipped my mind.
  7. I’m always drawn to radiologists. They see right through me.
  8. Why did the thermometer go to school? It wanted to be well-read.
  9. I used to be a doctor, but I lost my patients.
  10. What’s a doctor’s favorite instrument? The scal-pel.
  11. Why did the surgeon bring a flashlight? He wanted to shed some light on the operation.
  12. I told my doctor I’m allergic to Mondays. He told me to take the rest of the week off.
  13. I thought I had appendicitis, but it was just a gut feeling.
  14. Why did the doctor quit his job? He didn’t have the stomach for it anymore.
  15. Why was the hospital computer feeling down? It had a virus.
  16. I told my doctor I couldn’t sleep. He said, “That’s a lie.”
  17. My heart skips a beat when I see my cardiologist.
  18. The medical student failed the exam on anatomy. He didn’t have the guts.
  19. I asked my doctor if my heart was healthy. He said it was “beet-ing” just fine.
  20. The nurse couldn’t find her thermometer, so she lost her temper.
  21. I tried to schedule a surgery, but the doctor said I was too booked.
  22. Why don’t radiologists make good partners? They always keep their distance.
  23. The doctor told me my cholesterol was high, but I said, “It’s because I’m elevated!”
  24. The dentist didn’t floss enough, so he lost his patients.
  25. I tried to inject some humor into the conversation, but it just fell flat.
  26. Why was the doctor always calm? He had a lot of patients.
  27. I knew my doctor was smart, but he left me tongue-tied.
  28. The pharmacist started a band, and they’re in perfect harmony.
  29. My doctor told me to get some rest. I asked him, “Is that an official diagnosis?”
  30. I went to the hospital for my back pain. Now I feel a little more spine-tingling.
  31. The surgeon didn’t want to operate on the horse. He thought it was too much of a long shot.
  32. I tried to catch the doctor, but he was always in a rush.
  33. My doctor loves good vibes, so he prescribed me positive energy.
  34. The lab technician didn’t get my blood type right. That was a typo!
  35. I wanted to be a medical researcher, but the pay wasn’t worth the study.
  36. My doctor told me to cut back on sugar. I said, “You’re too sweet.”
  37. I told the doctor I had chills. He said, “Don’t worry, they’re multiplying.”
  38. Why did the X-ray technician go on vacation? He needed to unwind.
  39. I tried to impress my doctor with a diagnosis, but he said I was just guessing.
  40. The cardiologist was great at jokes. He always had a heartwarming story.
  41. I told my nurse I was feeling low. She told me to stay positive.
  42. Why do doctors love charts? They always need to draw a conclusion.
  43. My doctor said my condition was critical. I told him, “Stop criticizing me!”
  44. The nurse told me my temperature was high. I said, “Well, I am hot stuff!”
  45. Why don’t doctors like to play hide-and-seek? They can always see where you’re hiding.
  46. The doctor gave me two weeks to live. I told him I couldn’t pay the bill, so he gave me four.
  47. I knew the surgery was expensive, but I didn’t expect the “spinal” price!
  48. The doctor’s handwriting was so bad, I thought he was writing in code.
  49. My doctor is such a comedian. He has me in stitches every visit.
  50. I went to the optometrist, and he told me I needed glasses. I said, “I already have two pairs!”

Conclusion

From doctors to dentists, surgeons to nurses, medical puns are just what the doctor ordered to brighten your day!

We hope these 145+ puns left you in stitches and injected a little humor into your life. Got any favorite puns? Keep them handy for your next appointment!