145 History Puns That Will Make You Laugh

Welcome to the ultimate guide to history puns! Whether you’re a history buff, a teacher looking to spice up your lessons, or just someone who loves a good pun, we’ve got you covered.

This guide features 145 hilarious history puns categorized for your enjoyment, plus a bonus section with even more to keep you laughing through the ages!

Ancient Civilizations Puns

• Cleopatra didn’t want to get married, but she was in de-Nile.
• Julius Caesar’s favorite method of communication? A Roman numeral.
• The ancient Egyptians were great at math because they were always in de-Nile.
• Socrates didn’t like social media because there were too many trolls under his philosophy.
• I’d tell you a joke about an ancient Greek urn, but it might get broken pottery.
• Why did the ancient Greeks never cut their hair? Because it was Athenian!
• I wanted to buy an ancient statue, but it was too pharaoh-cious.
• The Babylonians had to get new keys because they lost their Assyrian.
• Pyramids are just old-fashioned tetrahedrons with a point of view.
• I told my friend about an ancient Mesopotamian joke, but it was Sumer-thing she had heard before.
• Cleopatra’s favorite subject? Hier-o-glyph-ics.
• Why did the ancient Mesopotamians start a band? They had great Sumer-y tunes.
• The Romans were great chefs; they knew how to Caesar salad.
• What did the Pharaoh say when he saw the pyramid? “That’s a-maze-ing!”
• Julius Caesar was always so self-centered; he made everything Roman-tic.

Medieval Times Puns

• I was going to tell a joke about medieval knights, but it was too chivalrous.
• The Dark Ages were called that because there were too many knights.
• Why were medieval armies always lost? They kept jousting around.
• I got fired from my medieval reenactment job. Apparently, chainmail isn’t business casual.
• Medieval tailors were great, they always left you with a knight in shining armor.
• The king didn’t go to the dentist because he already had crowns.
• Why did the castle keep fall down? Because it had a weak knight.
• I went to a medieval fair and asked for change; they gave me farthings.
• Why did the knight never laugh at the king’s jokes? He didn’t want to be a jester.
• The Black Plague was so unpopular, it never went viral.
• Why did the blacksmith’s jokes always fall flat? They were too forged.
• The squire always got in trouble because he couldn’t knight his wrongs.
• Why did the Viking fail to get a job? He couldn’t handle a-sword-ing people.
• Why don’t you mess with a knight who has a lance? He’s got a point.
• The king was so rich, he had a castle of knights and one of day.

Renaissance and Exploration Puns

• Leonardo da Vinci was an artist at drawing, but a Renaissance man at everything else.
• Michelangelo’s favorite dessert? Pieta de crème.
• I heard Magellan couldn’t finish his race because he circumnavigated.
• Da Vinci was always getting ahead; he had a Mona Lisa’s smile.
• The Renaissance was a rebirth, but too bad it didn’t come with labor pains.
• Why did Columbus cross the ocean? To get to the New World on the other side.
• The printing press was such a revolutionary idea; it was hot off the press.
• Why did Copernicus never get along with his peers? He thought the world revolved around him.
• The explorer was bad at sailing; he kept losing his bearing-straits.
• Michelangelo hated the ceiling; it always seemed to be Sistine feet above him.
• Galileo was always looking for space; he never felt like he was in his element.
• The Renaissance painters loved fruits; they were often drawn to still life.
• Why did Magellan always win at cards? He was great at navigating around straights.
• Columbus was always telling stories, but they were never on course.
• Michelangelo was great at sculpture because he really knew how to chisel it.

Revolutionary and Enlightenment Puns

• I was going to make a pun about the French Revolution, but I lost my head.
• Benjamin Franklin never told his secrets; they were too shocking.
• The Declaration of Independence was really just a big breakup letter.
• Why did the American colonists wear wigs? Because they wanted to be revolu-tories.
• The Enlightenment was a bright idea that lit up Europe.
• I would make a pun about Thomas Paine, but it’s Common Sense not to.
• George Washington couldn’t throw a baseball; he kept crossing the Delaware.
• Why did the revolutionaries never get bored? They always had something to stir up.
• The British tea tax was the original steep.
• The Founding Fathers loved music; they were always key in G.
• Benjamin Franklin was great at science, but he really knew how to make sparks fly.
• Why did the Boston Tea Party’s jokes never land? They were too steeped in history.
• The Revolutionary War was fought with muskets, but it really sparked cannonversation.
• The Enlightenment was full of bright ideas, but sometimes they were just lightbulb moments.
• George Washington was such a surveyor; he always knew where he stood.

Industrial Revolution Puns

• The Industrial Revolution really steamrolled into history.
• Textile workers loved threads; they were always woven into the fabric of society.
• Why did the coal miners always carry flashlights? Because they didn’t want to lose their mines.
• The steam engine was revolutionary, but it really blew off steam.
• Factory workers were always having a blast; they knew how to have a jolly mill time.
• The lightbulb was such a bright idea, but it was just filament-al.
• The Industrial Revolution was full of ironies; it was full of iron.
• Factories were popping up everywhere; it was like the world got machined.
• The spinning jenny was such a popular girl in the factory; she was always spinning yarns.
• Railways were a big hit because they really kept things on track.
• Coal was such a hot topic, but it always left people feeling sooty.
• Steam engines had a lot of pressure; it was just part of their boilerplate.
• The Industrial Revolution was all about iron, but it really steeled the spotlight.
• Workers always loved clocks; they were always watching the minutes tick by.
• The textile industry was quite the yarn-spinner; it always kept things threadbare.

World Wars Puns

• The Great War was trench-ous, but it always dug itself out.
• Tanks for the memories, but I’m moving on from World War jokes.
• The Treaty of Versailles was so harsh; it left Germany in stitches.
• The Blitz was shocking; it really blew London’s fuse.
• Hitler had so many enemies because he was Reich-torious.
• I wanted to make a joke about submarines, but it just sank.
• The Allies were always getting together; it was quite the United front.
• Churchill loved his speeches; they were always waging words.
• Why did the spies never trust each other? Because they were all double-crossed.
• The trenches were tough; they really made the soldiers dig deep.
• Why did the Axis powers never win at poker? They kept folding.
• Tanks are great at arguments; they always roll over the competition.
• The D-Day invasion was a beach of a task.
• The Enigma machine was great at secrets; it always kept things cryptic.
• Pearl Harbor jokes are hard to crack; they always leave people bombed out.

Modern History Puns

• The Cold War was such a chill time, full of freeze frames.
• The Space Race was out of this world; it always had a lift-off.
• Why did the Berlin Wall break up? It had too many barriers in the relationship.
• JFK was such a stand-up guy; he never went ballistic.
• I tried to make a pun about Vietnam, but it fell flat.
• The moon landing was one small step for puns, but a giant leap for pun-kind.
• The Cuban Missile Crisis was really intense; it had people launching into arguments.
• I would make a Watergate joke, but I’m just going to keep it taped up.
• Why did the USSR break up? They lost their Union card.
• Ronald Reagan was always in character; he had the acting chops of a president.
• The Gulf War was a blast; it really bombed the competition.
• I heard the Y2K bug was a real millennium falter.
• 9/11 jokes aren’t funny; they’re just plane wrong.
• The financial crisis was a crash course in history.
• Brexit jokes are hard to tell; they’re always in negotiations.

Bonus Puns Section

• I used to be a gladiator, but then I realized it was all sword and no gain.
• The French Revolution was a real cut above the rest.
• A pharaoh’s favorite candy? King Tut’s Roll.
• Why did the Romans never win an argument? Because they always had Caesar salad.
• The past was tense, but it had plenty of perfect moments.
• The Egyptians never had bad breath; they knew how to toothpaste their way out.
• Why did the Crusaders never get a GPS? Because they were always on a quest.
• When the Romans finished a joke, they always said, “Period.”