145 Doctor Puns That Will Make You Laugh

Need a dose of laughter to brighten your day?

Whether you’re in the waiting room or just need a little medical humor, this ultimate guide of doctor puns will have you laughing until you’re cured!

Get ready for a pun-filled journey through the world of medicine—no copay required!

Table of Contents

General Doctor Puns

I told my doctor I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
I asked my doctor if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, “Sure, knock yourself out.”
My doctor said I needed to lose some weight. I said, “I’ll do it gradually—one nacho at a time!”
My doctor has a great bedside manner—he always knows how to knock me out.
What did the doctor say to the sick tomato? You need to ketchup on your health!
The doctor said I’m addicted to caffeine, but I said I could quit at any time. Then I got depresso!
I told my doctor I felt like a deck of cards. He said, “I’ll deal with you later.”
My doctor told me I need glasses. I said, “How will you know if I’m serious?”
When I got my blood tested, the doctor said, “You have type A blood—because you’re A-mazing!”
Why did the doctor bring a red pen to work? In case they needed to draw blood!
My doctor said my brain was like a computer. I said, “Can I get a memory upgrade?”
I went to a new doctor today, and they told me I need to cut back on my daily humor intake. Guess I’m laughing too hard!
The doctor told me to start a fast food diet. I said, “Great, I’ll start eating quickly!”
My doctor diagnosed me with a fear of giants. Apparently, I have “feefiphobia.”
I told the doctor I didn’t want a flu shot. They said, “Well, it’s a shot in the arm!”

Surgeon Puns

The surgeon was told they had a heart of gold… because it was a transplant!
Why did the surgeon bring a pencil to the operation? In case they needed to draw a conclusion.
I used to be a surgeon, but then I found it wasn’t cutting-edge enough.
The surgeon told me I had to go under the knife—I said, “Can I choose a butter knife?”
Why did the surgeon break up with their partner? They needed more space to operate.
I asked the surgeon if they could sew up my confidence, but they said, “That’s out of my expertise.”
The surgeon made a big incision. I guess you could say they went with gut instinct.
Surgeons never feel stressed—they just have steady hands.
I asked the surgeon if they could perform the operation on a skeleton. They said, “I can, but the results will be bone-chilling.”
My surgeon offered me a shoulder to cry on, but I’d prefer if they used both hands.
Surgeons don’t play poker—they’re too good at bluffing!
The surgeon said my operation would be a cut above the rest.
Why did the surgeon bring a telescope? To focus on the big picture!
Surgeons and comedians have a lot in common—both know how to deliver punchlines.
When the surgeon finished the operation, they told me, “That’s a wrap!”

Dentist Puns

The dentist said I grind my teeth at night. I told him, “That’s jaw-dropping news!”
Why did the tooth go to the dentist? It needed a little filling.
The dentist said I had a cavity, so I said, “Fill me in!”
My dentist said I need a crown. I said, “Finally, someone recognizes I’m royalty!”
The dentist called their new drill a real game-changer—it was revolution-toothed!
I told the dentist to stop telling so many jokes; it was plaque-ing me.
My dentist said my tooth was very sensitive. I told him, “It cries during movies too.”
Why did the dentist go to art school? To learn how to brush up on their skills!
The dentist’s favorite time of day? Tooth-hurty.
I told my dentist I wanted to be a comedian. He said, “Your jokes are already corny.”
The dentist wasn’t doing well in life—his practice was in decay.
Why did the dentist sit by the fire? To warm up his enamel.
I had to quit my job as a dentist. I just couldn’t handle all the plaque!
My dentist told me I had perfect teeth. I told them, “I guess I was just born flossy.”
Dentists don’t go to parties—they prefer root canals.

Eye Doctor Puns

I told the eye doctor I had trouble seeing. They said, “You’re not seeing the whole picture.”
The eye doctor said my future looks bright—probably because I wear my sunglasses at night.
Why did the eye doctor go broke? He lost his vision.
The eye doctor loves action movies—he’s always watching in 20/20 vision!
The optometrist told me I was farsighted, but I didn’t see it coming.
The eye doctor said my vision was perfect, but I still don’t see why I need glasses.
Eye doctors really know how to focus on the details.
Why did the eye doctor refuse to play poker? They had no vision for bluffing.
I couldn’t figure out why my vision was blurry until my eye doctor cleared things up.
The optometrist always wins at hide and seek—they never lose sight of their target.
Eye doctors are never two-faced—they have real vision.
The eye doctor told me I had the eyes of a hawk. Guess I’m sharp!
The optometrist’s favorite sport? Eye-ronman competitions!
Why did the optometrist become a teacher? To help students see things more clearly.
The eye doctor doesn’t wear glasses—they just make everyone else look good.

Pediatrician Puns

Pediatricians have the best patience—they deal with kids all day!
Why did the pediatrician always seem so small? Because they specialize in little things!
The pediatrician told me my kid was a chip off the old block. Guess I’m a role model after all.
What’s a pediatrician’s favorite board game? Operation!
The pediatrician said my kid was a natural-born leader… in crying.
Pediatricians always know how to make the tiniest improvements.
I asked my pediatrician for advice, and they told me, “It’s child’s play!”
Pediatricians don’t get stressed—they know everything will be fine in the long run.
Why did the pediatrician break up with their partner? They wanted more kids in their life.
Pediatricians have a lot in common with clowns—they know how to keep kids smiling.
The pediatrician told me my kid was doing well—guess that’s a baby step in the right direction.
Pediatricians don’t rush—they take things baby-step by baby-step.
Why did the pediatrician love music? They know how to keep things in harmony!
Pediatricians have the best lullabies—they put kids to sleep faster than anyone else.
The pediatrician said my kid was growing fast—I guess they’re on the right track!

Bonus Doctor Puns

My doctor friend is a radiologist—he’s always making glowing reports.
The surgeon told a great joke, but it went over my head—just like the anesthesia.
Why don’t doctors write with pencils? Because they don’t want to deal with “lead” poisoning.
Doctors love telling jokes about bones—they’re just rib-tickling.
I asked the doctor why they were using a saw. They said, “It’s for cutting-edge surgery.”
I told the doctor I felt lightheaded. They said, “You’ve always been a little airhead!”
The doctor said my x-ray was in perfect form—I guess I’m framed well!
The orthopedic surgeon was so good, their skills were a joint effort.
Why did the doctor carry a ladder? To reach higher levels of care.
The doctor said I was sweet enough to give a cavity—too bad I wasn’t at the dentist.
I told the doctor I had a ringing in my ears. They said, “Well, that sounds annoying!”
The nurse said I was a model patient. I told them, “I always like to pose for success.”
My doctor is so good, even the scalpel respects them!
Doctors don’t gossip—they just spread symptoms.
The radiologist’s favorite show? Breaking Bad.
Doctors know how to stay in shape—they’re always running tests.
I told my doctor I didn’t want a second opinion, but they insisted.
The doctor said I needed to drink more water. I told them, “That’s some refreshing advice.”
Why did the doctor keep a calendar? To keep their patients on time!
The doctor said my heart was racing. Guess I’m just that exciting!
I told the doctor I felt nauseous. They said, “Let’s take a sick day together.”
Doctors have their own playlist—it’s full of heartbeats and pulses.
I told my doctor I couldn’t stop hearing pop songs. They said I was having a “case of the beats.”
Why did the doctor open a bakery? They knew how to make the best “kneads.”
The doctor’s favorite part of surgery? When they cut to the chase.
I went to a psychic doctor, but they just guessed at my symptoms.
Why do doctors never tell secrets? Because they always “bandage” the truth.
The doctor said I had a broken leg—I guess they were pulling mine.
Doctors can be pretty clever—they know how to stitch up a good story.
The pediatrician’s motto? “Go big, but start small!”
Doctors and detectives have a lot in common—they both know how to dig deep!

Conclusion

Laughter really is the best medicine, and with these 145 doctor puns, you’re sure to feel better in no time.

From general checkups to surgery puns, we’ve covered it all! Now, go ahead and share these with your friends, family, and even your doctor—because who doesn’t love a good medical pun?